What It’s Like to Be a Guy (According to My Super Accurate Perspective)

My alarm clock goes off at 8:20am.

I lift my head up from the pillowcase I haven’t washed in a couple weeks and glance at the time. Why do I set my alarm a full thirty minutes before I need to leave for work? I hit the snooze button.

My alarm clock goes off again at 8:29. I hit the snooze button again, and this routine continues until it’s 8:47am, and I have about three minutes to get ready and leave.

Perfect.

I get out of bed and head to the bathroom, grabbing the t-shirt and pants I wore yesterday and throwing them on. The mirror shows that my eyes are a little squinty, so I splash some water on my face and brush my teeth and I look totally fine. Great, actually.

Before leaving, I scan my room and pick the deodorant from my laundry hamper and put some on. It’s Old Spice, just like my body wash, so I smell exactly like I do when I get out of the shower.

I leave the house at exactly 8:50am. I get in my car and pull out of the driveway. Glancing at my phone for the first time, I realize that one girl I met at church last Sunday commented on one of my old Instagram posts. She wants to grab coffee sometime? Weird. It’s a good thing there’s a picture of her on her profile, otherwise I’m not sure I’d remember what she looked like.

Oh, she’s pretty cute. I’d make out with her. Not tomorrow, but you know…down the road. Okay, sure. I’ll “grab coffee.”

Work goes well. I’m a barista at the local coffee shop and I get to meet a lot of cool people. And a lot of cute girls like coffee, surprisingly. I’m never really sure how to act around them, but they always seem to hang around the bar to talk to me. I guess that’s a good sign?

How do I ask for this girl’s number without seeming creepy? Is it creepy that I’m thinking about it this much? Now she’s looking at me funny. I panic and ask for her number.

After work that girl from Instagram ends up visiting me at the shop. She asks if I want to sit down and have a drink—I say sure, that would be cool. I glance at my watch. It’s only 4pm and there’s plenty of time to play video games when I get home (unless she talks a lot), so it works out well for me.

She keeps brushing her bangs out of her eyes and it’s kind of cute. And what color are her eyes? Blue? Green? Whatever they are, they’re pretty. She definitely thinks I’m funny, which is good I guess. Does that mean she’s into me? I mean, she’s cute, but she never seems to stop talking. And is that a mustache? Does she have a mustache? Weird. She’s still pretty cute though.

We both stand up and walk outside together. I go toward my car, but she follows me. Why is she following me? I need to go home.

I say something like, “Well, I had fun…”

She just looks at me and is smiling, which makes me kinda nervous, so I keep talking, “If you wanna hang again sometime…”

And that’s when she talks. I don’t really remember what she said (she talks a lot) but it was something like, “Yeah! Let’s do it!”

I don’t really know how to respond, so I tell her to have a good night, and get into my car.

I get home and turn on the TV to play Assassin’s Creed—I feel like I’ve been waiting for this all day. I turn it off around midnight and head to bed. Right before I go to sleep I wonder what happened earlier with that girl.

I look at my phone and realize that she texted me an hour ago saying she can’t wait till we hang out again. Did I accidentally ask her out on a date? Did I purposely ask her out on a date? What are my feelings? I don’t know. I decide to not think about it, and instead text that girl I met earlier at work. We text back and forth for an hour or so, and I decide to ask her to hang out sometime.

Then I put my phone down, roll over, and immediately fall asleep.

Comments

  1. Jaime says

    I love reading your posts! So relatable. So funny! Basically everything I think of but rarely say out loud. Haha. So good!

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