Do you have a question you’d like us to answer? Pour your heart out to us here.
Dear Side Hugs,
I have been dating this girl for about a year now. She’s my best friend and an all around great girl. However, I’ve always heard the phrase: “It’s not good to tie yourself down in college. Date around.” As we meet other people, I am curious to know if we are both missing out on the opportunity of dating someone else. She loves ministry and loves to be outspoken. I am more quiet and reserved. I love ministry; however, I don’t see myself going full-time. Any words of wisdom for this young, confused-by-emotions chap?
Joshua A. Riddler
Ahhhh…confused by emotions. That sounds familiar.
Well, Joshua, if I’m being honest, yes. You would be missing out on the opportunity to date someone else.
The real question is whether or not you’re ready to commit to one thing while letting go of all the other things. Or, in this case, all the other girls.
I think once we get old enough we begin to realize that we’re starting to make really important decisions—decisions that change the trajectory of our life. We’re out of grade school now, which means making more important decisions than who to give your last Rugrats-themed Valentine’s Day card to.
But, the question remains: Is it too soon to commit? And what if you make the wrong choice? What if you end up with the wrong girl for the rest of your life? Those are some serious ramifications, man.
The itching to drop your long-term girlfriend and play the field while you’re young could mean one of two things. Either 1) you are young, and you’re not yet sure what you’re looking for in a future wife, or 2) you need to straighten up and realize what’s in front of you. She’s your best friend! She’s an all around great girl! What’s missing? Are your lives really going in separate directions?
That brings into question the aspect of ministry and what her expectations are. Does she expect you to be in full-time ministry as well? Is she planning on moving overseas to live in some remote, Amazonian village? Does she expect you to be the main supporter of the family? (Spoiler alert: Jobs in ministry don’t pay that much.)
Have the conversation. And know that if you impulsively decide to break up with this girl so you can date other girls, there’s really no game plan for recovery. Even if you realize you made a mistake and you guys get back together, how is she going to trust that you won’t turn around and do the same thing again? Or worse…she goes crazy?
Insert Taylor Swift song. Insert scary images of mascara running down her face and her taking a golf club to your Shelby AC Cobra. You get the picture—hell hath no fury.
Hope that helps, Riddler. Good luck on your quest.